HOW TO CHANGE YOUR MINDSET
If you have the ability to love love your self first charles bukowski so last week i did some guided breath work which I had never done before and honestly was alittle skeptical at first but i try and keep an open mind and gave it a shot happy i did it ended up potentially being one of the most important things l have ever done and i want to share why because this break through or aha moment if you well was exactly what i needed wheb i needed to their it so this episode is going to be alittle different than usual but i feel compelled to pass it along so to set a scene i arrived with a friend of mind to the instructor jen's location she gave as an overview kind of explaining what the next hour is going to look like and handed me notebook to write down my goal for the session.
It happened to be the walls that i have a tendency to build around my self right what day that felt like the most pertinent obstacle in my life i saw it as an opportunity to push back against that reality that human beings love to create normal and then latch on to it because we stop looking for places to grow we stop pushing we stop seeking to live life to the fullest in other words we settle and so i wrote that down laid back on this incredible.
In out jen started guiding us verbally taking us back to conversation with our younger selves and this is apart where things get really interesting because my thoughts really did feel like some strange mix of dreaming and hallucinating just from breath work she referenced the need to let go and said the words you know we weren't meant to suffer or hold on to suffer and that really cut deep because I know there are so many places where l've rationalized continous suffering in my life.
You know when they stop being stepping stone and instead just become the way things are becomes a concession hey this doesn't feel good but its my life this person holds me down but its how things are.
I dont like doing this every day it eats at me but they life am i right that's learned helplessness it hidesin the corners and the nooks and crannies of life that we Don't give it much though, and i imagined very vividly climbing down ladder placed on the edge of this dark canyon that went straight down every thing my entire landscape was black and white.
There was zero color exept for the rays of light barely visible at the bottom all the way down as i descended into the canyon the colors they'd bet alittle stronger alittle brighter as if every step but alittle more vibrance into may life each move down made things alittle clearer becoming quicker and quicker eventually turning into a slide that brought me down to the base of the canyon where upon landing and standing up every thing was illuminated.
Fields of sunflower what ervalls birds chirping sunshine and it was there in that moment i realized the one i whote down in that little notebook well it missed the mark
Not in the sense in being incorrect or wrong necessarily but it simply wasn't enough see at the root of it all or at the bottom of that canyon exactly life with the courage to love your self not just accept yourself not just be okay with with you existence but love your self with all your faults and your straggle with all your mistake and your history became clear to me how much changes when you love with all youe heart the person staring back at you inthe mirror they do not guide your decision making how could others know you better thet you the black and white landspace to be left behind at the mountain the consistent suffering you've become accustomed to you the learned helplessness you endure that's not acceptable to some one who truly loves him or herself loving yourself means pushing away that which is not you.
Its finding that ladder down to the beautiful world of authenticity and truth the magic of being alignerwith that really mates and what's funny is i can take about breaking down barries they should be broken down i can't talk about stepping into fear because it should be confronted i can't talk about findinga way out when we're stop and away up when we're down i can't talk about all of that every day of my life.
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